Heart Captured

We all have walls we put around our heart to keep it protected. Some of these walls may just be picket fences while others are are comparable to the wall of China. There comes a time when a person walks right up to those walls with a key and gets through your defenses without a fight. How they do it, is the question hanging in the air. Once they are in the inner sanctum of your heart they seem to leave a piece of themselves. This piece stays as a reminder of the presence they had in your life. This is where fairy tales begin. Heartache begins in the same place, because sometimes you are lucky enough to hold the key through their defenses, but sometimes you are left outside pounding on a door which will never be answered. 

There will come another who will holds a key to get through again, and you may be able to get through to them or not. At some point there will come a time  where each person will hold a key or be strong enough to break through the walls. Then your very own fairy tale will begin with its own challenges and obstacles but you will have someone there with you to be your support in the good and the bad. There will be more defenses to go through and mountains to climb. It won't be an easy journey, but your heart has been captured and you have captured someone's. Make the most of it, and don't give up through the journey of discovering who that person will be.

Its the Lords plan, not mine.

I was thinking today about where I would be if I followed my plans in my life. It scares me to think about it sometimes. I don't like looking down that road long. Then I look at the opposite side of the coin. Where I am now because of the guidance from my Father in Heaven. Its true there were and still are many times I don't listen right away. I think of all the other options even though I know what felt right the first time. I wait for a confirmation, I keep searching hoping for something more concrete to walk upon in my journey. The concrete seems to show up the most though after I have put my whole body weight where I am hoping the concrete will be.

An example of this has happened in the last few months. I have been on an interesting journey to say the least. It all starts in the summer of 2008. I was in the Nauvoo Brass Band on a service mission. I was playing my trombone, and having the time of my life. That summer I was changed in ways I never thought possible. This decision lead me to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Houston, Texas. There are not words in any human language that can express the transformation that happened inside of me while I spent those eighteen months in Texas. Was it grueling, yes it was. Was I tired most of the time, oh yes. Did I make mistakes, every single day, probably every hour or minute. Was it worth every footstep, bike pedal, and drop of sweat. YES it was!

I had no idea the changes that were going to come in my life. I could not even fathom the possibility. Heavenly Father makes good things into better things, and better things into great things, and great things into perfection through His Son, the Savior of the world. That is what happened He took me, someone who was basically good, and molded me into something a little better. He does that for each of us each day if we let him.

The next set of this journey fast forwards 16 months. I realized I would not be able to go to Nauvoo again because I was going to be to old. I thought about it, prayed about it, and weighed out the pros and cons. I focused on myself and the goals I wanted. I luckily had a good friend who encouraged me to audition. I sent in my audition tape two days before it was due on the desk. It made it. I got call-back auditions. I found a place to live, and it seemed perfect. How could I leave, how could I skip school and working over the summer? These were all questions plaguing me. I started again to focus on what my plan for myself was, I focused on me.

I went to Institute and the teacher taught about sacrifice and the sacrifice he made to serve 18 more months than was asked of him originally. I remembered some dreams I had. I went to the temple the next day, and while there I lost focus of my plan and saw a small part of someone else's plan for me. I was able to glimpse my Heavenly Fathers plan for me. I decided on that day that if I made it into the Nauvoo Brass Band I would go and I would quit asking myself questions about how my plan would be fulfilled, and focus on how the Lord's plan would be fulfilled.

I found out yesterday that I did in fact make it into the Nauvoo Brass Band. I will be serving for just under 4 months as a service missionary in Nauvoo once again. I feel so peaceful, and excited. I feel a purpose coming into my being that I lacked for a while. I felt like I was drifting in the ocean with only a life jacket to keep me from sinking sometimes. There were other times where I was in a boat rowing as fast as I could in the direction I thought I should be heading as well. The best thing to do though is not drift, and not row in your own place, but to let Heavenly Father use the wind and the currents to take you where He needs you to be. I am so very grateful for the gentle nudging, and endless course corrections my Father in Heaven provides for me. He has a plan for us and it is perfect, and wonderful.

I just had these feelings bursting out of my heart and wanting to fall somewhere besides my pillow. "Man is that they might have joy." We can have that joy if we quit self-guiding ourselves and listen to that still small voice which leaves no confusion. God loves each of us, and knows our needs. This I do know for myself.