During a week of turmoil, stress of failure, and lack of the essentials such as food or sleep, I was able to find a little slice of peace today. Its amazing the emotions that do come out when I take the time to sincerely ponder in my own thoughts. I have been pondering a lot the last few days. One of the main themes I have been asking myself is where is my foundation of faith? I went through and thought about the faith I had in daily study of the word of God, and daily prayer. I also have faith in keeping the Sabbath day holy, tithing, fasting, and many other things. One of my friends brought up a very significant point that made me stop and rethink where I was on life. He told me that I was not as good as I thought I was. At first I felt a little offended. My thoughts were that I was trying my best to show everyone how good I really was. As this thought kept going through my mind I realized the huge flaw that was in my thought process.
Life is not about showing others how good you are or how bad you are. It is not about being impressive to your friends or colleagues. It is not about hiding your imperfections from the world so you feel good about yourself. It is not about doing things on your own. I will tell you some of my thoughts about what life really is about. Life is about being who you are where you are in the moment and not trying to hide it from the world. Life is about making mistake,s sometimes big one,s and repenting and learning and growing. Life is about helping others to know the Savior. Life is about coming to know on a very personal basis, Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of the world. The entire purpose of life is to gain this relationship, and testimony that is so strong that everything will either fall into place or fall out of your life.
These questions really helped me refocus my attention on the Savior. It helped remind me that no matter how many commandments or rules I keep, no matter how many times I go to church and refrain from making a mistake, non of that really matters unless all my efforts are pointing to Jesus Christ. I feel like I have been doing things backwards a little. The Savior comes first, that relationship is what helps us with everything else in our lives. I want to know my Redeemer on a more personal level so that I can always trust Him. That is what life is about.
